Doctor Hannibal Goes to Hanover

An enterprising young business student at Dartmouth has introduced a health food offering for the cannibalistically inclined. Human flavored tofu – hufu - doesn’t sound especially appetizing, but it is fat free and just 100 calories per serving. So it’s got that going for it.

Tough to know if hufu lives up to its billing, though. Friend of the Blog (FOB) Kameron suggests the only way to tell if the stuff is legit is to feed it to carnivorous animals and see if they devour it like an 8-piece of Popeye’s chicken. Maybe, but human-flavored or not, it’s still tofu. And I’m not sure we want to train captive animals to appreciate the taste of human flesh any more than they already do.

The hidden gem of this story is the celebrity angle, which may be apocryphal, but since it’s in my interest to believe it’s true, I’ll present it as fact. Besides, if you can’t trust America’s oldest college newspaper - not to be confused with America' Oldest College Daily - whom can you trust? As they wrote about inventor Mark Nuckols:

“He also claims that the name "hufu" was actually coined by actress and model Milla Jovovich. Several years ago, a business associate was discussing Nuckols' idea, then called "hofu," with a friend on a Eurostar train going from London to Paris. Jovovich, intrigued, allegedly turned around to join in the conversation, commenting, "'Hofu' sounds like 'c*ck' -- you should call it 'hufu.'"

"As far as I can speculate, she meant 'ho food,'" Nuckols said. "She's a supermodel -- she doesn't have to make sense."

Apparently Jovovich’s publicist did not respond to requests for comment.